I am disgusted with myself. The first thing you learn as a historian is to never destroy the evidence. When I quit escorting 6 weeks ago I closed my sweetameliaheart email account with all the emails I'd ever received since starting work in Halifax. They would have helped me greatly in recreating my 'memoirs.' I shall have to rely purely on memory to recount those times. Of course, nothing exists from my time in the studios in Edmonton either because I was not independent. I'm inordinately pleased to be young and healthy and full of memory. I feel this especially when the woman I work with can barely remember to answer a question. What a luxury it is to know what has happened in your own life.
My memory is atrocious and it's deteriorating rapidly. Entire decades of my life are essentially only vague blurs to me now. My friends remember more about my life than I do. It's the scariest thing imaginable, since full personhood requires a history. I am beginning to feel that the time is foreseeable when I'll no longer be a complete person. Enjoy your memory while it lasts.
ReplyDeleteDid you delete your entire Google account, or just the email? If it was just the email, have you tried to recover it?
http://www.google.com/support/accounts/bin/answer.py?hl=en&answer=67422
(signed) the poverty of oblivion
I think it was a good trade off- you still have the memories that your mind decided to keep within it, and you didn't have to gain new memories of men telling you how happy they are for you because you deserved better (like it means anything coming from them), or if you change your mind please call them, or now that you're not a prostitute maybe you'll want to go for coffee because you seemed like such a normal person all along.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you have enough memories to write enough memoirs, not to worry. Most memoirs are elaborations of half-truths anyway.