Answer

Why do I like history?  I shall tell them instead HOW I like history.

I like to make love to it in the dead of night.  I like to lick its face in the mid of day.  I like to carry it around in a big purse and pet its fuzzy head.  I like to hold it in my lap during long flights.  I like to wrap it in pastry and eat it for dinner.  I like to wear it as earrings.  I like to feed it truffles.  I like to crack it open and sleep inside it.  I like to groom it with French lavender.  I like to hold it when I cry.  I like to overestimate its value.

How's that?