I'm almost positive I have a tape worm. At first I thought it would be fun and maybe I would make a friend. Turns out it's not like that. I'm hungry all day every day forever. There are also significant social differences between us. Tapeworm likes to go clubbing and eat and I like to read and eat. The only thing we enjoy doing together is eating and quite frankly I'd rather not share. Divorce is imminent.
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